Monday, 26 January 2015

I feel zombie [edited 1st post from 2011]

This is edited repost of my first post in Red Chilled Chili that is from year 2011 (Original publish 17.04.2011 at 13:56). My blog is on English but this first post was on Finnish and I did feel like its time to change it...finally. This is not word-to-word translation but edited version. Original Finnish post is on end of this 
Human, every human will see at least a little snippet of a horror movie on some point of their life. Some of us are lucky ones and only see them through screen, others will have to live in them, some even long times. There are some horror genres that you can't really live in, like vampires, aliens, werewolves and zombies. Some will tell that all these thing are true, but I leave it to you to decide. Most important to this post is the last one on the list, like you could quest from the title.

Art work of Zonbi
World “zombie” was first recorded in 1819, in a history of Brazil by a poet Robert Southey, in form of “zombi”. The Oxford English Dictionary gives the origin of the world as West African, and compares it to the Kongo words "nzambi" (god) and "zumbi" (fetish). There are some other worlds for zombie like Haitian Creole: zonbi and North Mbundu: nzumbe.

Especially in South African and Caribbean cultures see zombie as a dead person that bokor, a witch-like figure, has brought back to life by act of necromancy. Zombies remain under the control of the bokor as their personal slaves, since they have no will of their own.

When Zora Neale Hurston in 1937 was studying folklores in Haiti she encountered a case about a woman who appeared in a village she was visiting. A family did claim that she was Felicia Felix-Mentor, a relative who had died and been buried in 1907 at the age of 29. However, the woman had been examined by a doctor, who found on X-ray that she did not have the leg fracture that Felix-Mentor was known to have had. Hurston pursued rumors that the affected persons were given a powerful psychoactive drug, but she was unable to locate individuals willing to offer much information.

The idea of physical zombie-like creatures is present in some South African cultures, where they are called xidachane in Sotho/Tsonga and maduxwane in Venda. In some communities it is believed that a dead person can be zombified by a small child.

Find more of Haitian tradition of zombies here.

I think that was enough of folklore zombie history. It’s time to jump in today’s popular culture zombies. Zombies that we all know, fear and love.

Modern horror did accept these flesh craving, clumsy and stupid creatures on 1968 by George A. Romero movie Night of the living dead. After that zombies did start slow crawl to top of creature horror fighting its spot right next to vampires, werewolves and other. Now days they are in books, comics, TV-series, games, movies in every possible genre, clothes, music, figurines and so much more.

When you ask what zombies are like people will most likely tell that they are: stupid, slow, clumsy, they crave for flesh or brains, they don't feel or react to pain/injury, strong, tireless and that they are dead. Or they should be dead. Old original way to get infected as a zombie where to get bitten or scratched by one, to some this is the only way.

Now day’s zombies have different kind of skill sets. Some are just like old times, but then there are some that are smart, fast, super strong and some of them move in large hordes. Funniest or most horrifying thing is that now day’s zombies don't have to be mere humans anymore. People who knows Resident Evil (games or movies) has seen that there are mutants and cute little dogs that will kill you in a heartbeat. Everything is possible these days’ even sheep’s (Black Sheep 2006) there are no longer any limits. There is one thing that has not changed, or will change. Healthy/immune/no-zombies are still STUPID!

How is it possible that people living on 21th century have never heard of the living dead? Hello, that is not really possible scenario “What is that thing that hunts and eats other humans? Oh now that one that has it throat ripped out started to move and hunt as well! But what is it?” Like really. This is especially annoying if movie or whatever is based to this our universe. If it’s some total alternative then you can accept it but not if it’s like 2011 America where Obama is the president.

We understand (not really) that humans wants to revenge wrongs done to them but do you need to do it middle of zombie apocalypse? Are there not enough danger around you so you have to try get it with fighting and shit? But no you have to fight fellow human or run after one of the creatures, catch it, scream and shout to it (it will not understand you), shoot couple clips worth of bullets (out of bullets bitch) and after that beat it to dead yet again with your bare hands. Remember to wipe bloody hands across your lips when you are on it. And when it’s time to this person to leave and go back with the others this hero notice that he is surrounded by zombies. He starts to shoot them on left to right, sound attracting more of them and finally when he decide that he will not be one of them,  turns gun to himself and pulls the trigger…blank, again, blank, he has no more ammo. How it feels do die by be eaten alive? And then we got hero number 2 who will do the same shit until no one is left to act as a hero OR we got someone who is acting smart and just says “fuck this” and leave.

“Home, religion and father/motherland” was slogan of Finnish Christian Democrats in 2011 but same idiocy happens in zombie movies. When own honey bonbon turns to one of them it CAN'T be killed and if someone else attempt to do the right thing he has to put down! That is a fantastic logic! Even that granny who did learn to walk on the sealing by some miracle will survive because well no reason. All of us zombie fans have most likely seen most if not all George A. Romero zombie movies. Gamers have played one of Resident Evil series or Left 4 Dead games, or other zombie themed one.

If you have collected yourself together and are ready to the kill. Shoot them to the damn HEAD! Boom headshot darling! But no. Let’s try some other ways first right? Let’s try legs, arms, on the middle, damn heart then! *tump* it falls down, walk to it nudge it with your boot, turn to your friend, crack out some F-class joke *rousk* look down, zombie has its teeth on you, that’s shitty luck! Game over!

You can bank on it that every year there will be some more zombie themed movies. Quality is not guaranteed, but there will be blood. Zombies are ageless you can still watch Zombie 2 or Zombie Flesh Eaters that was released in 1979 and like it. It will not be as fancy that newest movies but it looks damn good for 30 year old movie. Basic plot is always same, disease breaks free somewhere somehow, someone gets infected, it starts to spread, epidemic and then we have couple non-infected people tries to survive in new world.

That’s it, have fun and watch out of strangers who tries to bite you without any reason or growl…whose mouth is dripping with blood and eyes looks little weird. Well looks some “Zombie survival guide” and you will know!

ORIGINAL post translated to English 26.01.2015 with little modding and adding here and there.

Wednesday, 21 January 2015

The Ultimate Cheat Sheet On Pizza

Pizza that Italian gift to world, pizza that food that no one can really tell where it did come and by who, pizza is always a pizza.

In Finland we have kebab-pizzeria in about every city little or big! Sometimes we get great pizza and sometimes we hope that it was just after bars closed so we would not have any idea what we are eating! Those pizzas can be "homemade" dough or ready frozen ones that taste like cardboard.

When we go to market there is these microwave pizzas (roiskeläppä) that is never seen real pizza, frozen ones that need little tuning before going oven (comes out ok most of times), kind of fresh market pizzas with too thick dough and then some more. Finnish people do eat a lot of pizza but they eat these mediocre ones and don't even know how make one himself!  

Copyright: Gaploon
Seriously PIZZA IS EASY TO MAKE dammit!

My recipe to dough:

2 ½ dl water
1 pack (11g) dry (instant) yeast
3 dl durum flours
around 2 dl all purpose flours (have to look that dough little)
½ ts salt
½ ts sugar
2 tbs oil
+ dry herbs and/or pizza seasoning
You can make pizza with all purpose flours alone, taste and texture change little but it's still really good.
  1. Get everything you need on table and if you can measure ingredients ready to add. This way you know if you are missing something and are not in too much hurry making stupid mistakes. Don't combine flours together! You may not need all of it to dough. Take your baking sheet/pizza stone and cut baking paper to fit it you need one per pizza. This will make sizing dough later very much more easy.
  2. Now get medium size bowl and add warm water (around 42°c or 107.6°F little warmer than body temp) to the bowl.
  3. Mix yeast to durum flours and add them to the water. If you are using only all purpose flour, mix yeast to small amount of flour, it's really possible that you don't need all flour!
  4. Add salt and sugar and some herbs.
  5. Start to kneed dough and add all purpose flour until texture is soft but not longer wet. If it feels like rubber you used too much flour.
  6. Add oil and possible some more herbs and flour.
  7. Leave dough to rise on warm place under kitchen towel. Do part 7 NOW!
  8. Crank your oven to hot as it gets! If you have pizza stone use it or put baking tray to oven so it get nice and hot. Hot surface makes start cooking bottom of pizza so it get nice crunch and if you made everything right you get those nice "bubbles" on edge of your pizza!
  9. Split the dough. You can make 2 sheets or 3 pizzeria style round ones (~180-190 g per ball).
  10. Round pizza: take one ball and start working it to to thin or thicker round pie. Max diameter of pizza will be ruled by your pizza stone or sheet you make it to. Make pizza roughly right size on floured surface and transport it to baking paper and re-check size if you did measure and cut paper. Now that is ready to be topped with what you want. Some people will slide pizza right to baking stone or oven but I do not know that trick.

    Sheet pizza: Size of the pizza is ruled by you and size of baking sheet you gonna cook it in. My sheets are 50cm wide (~ 19.68 inch) so I get 2 sheets of pizza from this size of dough. Roll dough roughly right size on floured surface, transport it to baking paper and then do some finishing touches on size and thickness. Now it is ready to be topped with that you want.

    Tip: Using ready cut baking paper makes sizing pizzas really easy if your pans are "normal size". Easy way to transport ready rolled dough is to wrap it around rolling pin.
  11. Thats it with dough! Now you will just make your pizza taste like you want and put it to owen. Baking time will different with how wet and much you use fillings and how much cheese you put. To me it's around 15 minutes in 250°c (482°F).
Copyright: Gaploon
Extra tip!
First put ketchup or tomato pyre, then some cheese and then filling! Maybe little mozzarella cheese to top it all. If you put lots of cheese on top it will seal all liquid in and possibly make your pizza sloppy mess. I'm not a fan of that kind of pizza byt my parents like extra-extra-extra cheesy pizza.

Choose only 2 or 4 fillings. If they very wet ones then choose only one or two. You don't want too much topping so you can eat it on slices.

Photo by
If your dough feels little like a plastic when working it, next time try use less flour.

You can crack raw egg top of your pizza before putting it to oven. Egg pizza, why not.

Dough can be made before hand. You can make dough let it rise, kneal it to balls and wrap ball in plastic and put them to cold. Before you make pizza's take them to warm and let them to rise 30min or so and work them to pies. I know people who roll pies ready (no filling) and then put them to cold.
There are even those who makes dough pies and freeze them.

Monday, 12 January 2015

Winning in a Lottery -what would you do?

If you would win in a lotto/lottery what would you do? Really do?! 

Photo by graur razvan ionut
Many people would say on some point that they would give half or lot of it to charity etc. but in real life very unlikely so. This is my opinion of people and this, there are those people who would give it all away, BUT most humans are not that nice. I know 
I would not, little now and then to gaming charity things like #AGDQ would be ok to me personally. So no big donations to Red Cross or some other big "brand" of charity that says that they help but we really don't know how much of our 1 euro/dollar etc goes to those who need it.

I started to do little list what I would do if jackpot did drop on my note. These dreams do depend a lot of how big that jackpot is. 1 million great, I could take care of my family and my own loans, buy great pc, get all consoles I dream, have a some trips and that kind of stuff. But build an house or buy apartment and maintain it to rest of my life? Maybe yeah but 1 million is still a one million. You can take care of these more normal like dreams, but not much more. Then there are these seriously huge winnings like in Finland the biggest Lotto (link is Finnish only) win has been 13.3 million euros and Eurojackpot did insane 61.1 million euros win!

Now to that list!

What would I do if I would win BIG time on lottery!

  • take care loans on next order: My own > mother (+stepdad) > dad
  • buy ultimate PC, 4 monitors, fantastic headset, + all the little extra things
  • new consoles Xbox One, PS4, Wii U and maybe one of Steam consoles when they start getting around +sides to them all as well (extra controllers, ,more storage, subscribe services etc.)
  • Gaming laptop for those times I'm on a road. And this time price is not an issue.
  • Invest money to make more money, to me it would mean call to my older brother and ask him to help me come up with something or if he knows someone that could help with this.
  • Get some more technology to my life and those near me! New phones, tablets, smart tech like watches or activity gadgets
  • Now its time to some R&R first with my mother, stepdad and brother if he could take some time off and after that another trip with my dad and brother maybe include my fathers lady friend (not sure about that).
  • Buy some other stuff like furniture, electronics, beddings, clothes, shoes, eyeglasses and contacts, kitchen and pet stuff or other little things like that. Some good alcohol like whiskey and vodka. 
  • Then its time to say wrooom! So time to change car, re-do my licence, ask if any of my parents want to change car and get me an brand new motorcycle (sport or naked) and extra bike (cruiser). How funny that my step dad likes cruiser bikes *wink*. Cars and bikes would get some customization to sweet them up
Now that we had some fun, got nice shiny (tech) things, new wheels and loan free now its time to get roof over the head. This is biggest thing that depends how big winning pot is.
Photo by Pixomar
  • Buy apartment on bigger city on southern Finland (Turku, Tampere, Hämeenlinna, Helsinki). Three to four rooms, fast internet, nice floor plan, kitchen large enough for dishwasher and renovation is ok as long that apartment is really nice. 
  • If it's a big win then I would build own house close to my mothers house. I would ask if my father would be interested to build it or be the main contractor on building. He would get paid well and would get to say who are workers in different operators people who are the best, not the cheapest. Important to me would be to get optical fibre connection, because old copper cables just don't cut it anymore. House would be build to my future to last time so many cables would be build to walls (eternal to every room, multiple power plugins different sides of rooms, even usb ports!), easy access, maybe two floors and cellar to cinema or just hobby space + warm garage to two cars. And so much that it would need new post "Dream house" or something.
  •  Give spending money to parents and my brother not anything too big just some to have fun with.
  • Friends are important so I would give them more expensive gift hundred euros when they have b-day or something special. My best friend would get PS4 or XB1 on her choice. This would not be too much because I can count my closest friends with one hand including closest/best one. 
  • I'm not skinny, newer have been. I would hire some kind of life coach or something who would help me with good diet and workout plan that is humane! Not those super diet then you feel like you will die or want to and don't eat anything but this super healthy stuff for half year and you will be so BUFF! And when you try to go back to some kind of normality, release the belts! aka welcome back all that fat I did lose.
  • Then I would turn my spending to my parents houses. I would help with renovations, making their houses more energy friendly, money to garden works, new greenhouse to my mother, smoke-sauna and swimming hole on yard, remodel hobby space in barn to warm one and so on.
  • Middle of all this I would re-educate myself to something I really love without worry or hurry how to live when studying. Basics in Finland and maybe to study something special some other country.
  • and then I would do something more. Pay bills and all that nice stuff :P Maybe take another trip this time on Europe or somewhere far away
Those are things I would do and spend. What would you do?